Karam Johar ko kuch kuch choddta hai  

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Karam Johar ko kuch kuch choddta hai.Haan toh mere gudwo bhaiyo. Kya haal hai? Mera naam Om Prakash Makhija hai. Yeh meri pehli kahani hai aur bilkul sachi hai. …Nayi sachi…..Kasam se…Haan toh kahani kuch aise shuru hoti hai ki main jo ki ek struggling actor hoon, ek baar karam johar ke office mein uski nayi picture “Kabhi Chutiya Na Kehna” ke liye gaya tha…Toh jab mein uske reception par pohocha toh wahan ek bahan ka loda receptionist baitha hua tha jo ke Mithun Chakriborti ki photo ko dekh ke mutthi maar raha tha…Mujhe yeh baat pata nahi thi aur main uski taraf walk karke aa raha tha… Unfortunately, kismet itni land thi jab main uske behad paas aaya toh woh ekdam se darr gaya aur uska turrent hi jadh gaya… Why unfortunate..Kyonki uske land ka angle meri taraf tha aur randi ke pille ne meri taraf hi thook diya.Om Prakash Makhija: Chhheeeeiiiii. Yeh kya kiya tune… Meri nayi ki nayi bushart ko ganda kar diya, kal hi 50 rupein mein khareedi thi. Mithunchod kahin ka…Receptionist/Mithunchod: Oooyi Maaa…. I am so sorry. Please fuck me… Oops, I mean ‘Please forgive me’.Om Prakash Makhija: Achha chalo theek hai… Yeh batao ki Karam sir free hain kya?Receptionist/Mithunchod (sings): “Nahi Nahi… Abhi Nahi… Abhi Karo Intezaaaaaaaar…”Om Prakash Makhija: Bhen Ki Lodi Indian Idol pichle saal hua tha.Receptionist/Mithunchod: Lekin “Voice of India” toh issi saal hua tha na, Chikne.”Mera dimaag khisak raha tha… Mann kar raha tha ki maa chod doon lekin tabhi meri bhagwaan ne sunni aur saamne wale cabin se Karam Johar bahar aaye. Hamari aankhein takrayi… Aur phir mere armaan saare khil uthe… Mujhe yakeen tha ki main uski film ka hero zaroor banuga.Unhone mujhe andar bula liya…5 minute baad…Andar ka A.C kaafi thanda tha… Mere Gote jam ho rahe the… Tabhi Karam Ji mere saamne aake khade ho gaye aur mujhse kuch faltu ke sawaal poochne lage jaise…Tumhare ghar mein kaun kaun hai?Toh maine bataya… Maa toh bhen ki lodi bachpan mein hi pan wale ke saath bhaag gayi aur baap ka pata nahi.Toh usne agle sawaal poocha… Tumhari chaddi mein kaun kaun hai?Maine kahan… “Land, Tatte, Jhaat… Ek minute. Lekin aap aisa kyon pooch rahe hain?”Itna suntte hi unhone apni pant utaar di aur meri kheeechne lage.

Maine bola yeh aap kya kar rahe hai, bushart toh apke receptionist ne kharaab kar hi di hai… Pant aap phaadne pe tule ho.Fir Karam Johar ne gusse mein aakar mujhe aadesh diya… “Chus Mera Loda… Aaja Chus Loda… Chaat Mere Tatte Jaise Aalu Ka Pakoda.”Mujhe uski film ka role har haal mein lena tha… Main kuch bhi utaarne ko taiyaar tha. Finally jab maine apni pant utaari toh woh mera satrangi kachha dekh ke excited ho gaya. Lekin uska dil tab toota jab maine apna kachha utara. Actually, main yeh batana bhool gaya ki uss masoom ka size sirf 2.5 cm hi hai. Yeh dekhke Karam Johar aag babula ho gaya aur cheekh ke bola…Karam Johar: “yeh kya mazaak hai?”Om Prakash Makhija: “Yeh Mazaak nahi meri lulli hai.”Karam Johar: “Bhosad Pappu, isse bada toh “gaya bachpan” ke bete “abhi dekh bachpan” ka hai. Ab Maa chuda ‘Bhangi’ aur chada apna ‘Satrangi’.”Meri aankh aur land se aansu aa gaye. Meri ego hurt ho gayi thi, ‘EGO’. Mujhe bohot gussa aa raha tha. Phir achanak ek divya shakti prakat huyi aur by god ki kasam woh koi aur nahi apne ‘Jaadu’ bhaiya the. Usne mera land 15 inch lamba kar diya. Yeh dekhti hi Karam Johar mere Land pe lapak pada aur use choosne laga. Agle dino tak main apna land usse chuswata raha phir finally main jhad gaya. Main bohot khush tha kyonki maine apne favourite director ko satisfy kar diya tha. Maine phir apni satrangi chaddi upar chada li aur pant pahanne laga. Tabhi maine unse halki awaaz mein poochha…“Toh mera role pakka hai na, sir?”Karam Johar: “Kaun sa role woh toh ‘Safe Ali Khan’ ko kabka mil chukka hai.”

Om Prakash Makhija: “Toh kya aap abhi tak mera…Karam Johar: “Haan, that’s right. Main tumhara chutiya bana raha tha. Chutiya Banaya, chutiya banaya.”Om Prakash Makhija: “Karam ji, Kabhi Chutiya Na Kehna.”

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Posted : 19/06/2011 5:27 pm